Dating advice for men, specifically in response to the comment below from a guy who doesn’t understand why women primp so much for dates.
I wouldn’t want to be around someone who has to spend hours getting ready for a date, wastes time on her nails (yes, getting dirt out from under the fingernails is nice, but I think nail polish is unattractive, as is makeup). Great outfits don’t impress me. Botox? Really? That’s disfiguration.
Losing weight might be nice and I probably would notice and mention that (I’d rather be around an athletic woman than a princess.)
I think that a lot of women think that this impresses a man. I think most men would rather have someone fun and relaxed, rather than someone who is this hung up on her appearance and would make me feel like I have to take her to a Presidential Inauguration or a $500 dinner at a 5-star restaurant to have any fun.
I’d rather meet her in sweats. Or jeans.
And please, perfume makes me want to gag.
Everything this reader says makes sense to me, however I feel that as a woman I have to defend it in a way, and explain why women do what we do when it comes to primping for dates.
The first thing I want to say is that how much time a woman spends getting ready for a date is her decision. I have “spent hours” getting ready for certain dates with men I really liked. Does that make me fake and plastic? I don’t think so. But the key is WHY the woman is doing it.
If a woman spends a long time getting ready for a date because she is afraid a man won’t like her the way she is, that isn’t good. If she primps for hours because she wants to look good for him, because it makes her feel more confident, because she is excited and happy, then I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.
I personally feel so much more confident if I am happy about the way I look on a date. Does that mean I’m caking on makeup? No. But feeling pretty on the outside makes a woman happier because she enjoys feeling sexy and attractive. Feeling that way helps boost confidence and self-esteem, which is great!
Now, let me address this guy’s specific grievances:
- Nails: Newsflash for men: women really love getting their nails done. It is relaxing and makes us feel feminine. Think about it. No man wears colored nail polish. That’s what makes us different. It sets us apart and brings out our femininity. Also, as a woman, I always look at a man’s hands on a date. Hands are a big deal. If they are clean, strong and nice hands, I want them touching me. If they are ugly or dirty, that isn’t attractive. So, maybe women think men are looking at our hands, too.
- Makeup Men think they don’t like makeup, and most say they like the natural look. I think the key to great makeup is wearing enough so you look good, but not so much that it looks like you are wearing makeup. If a woman does makeup right, a man will think she is beautiful and not even realize how much credit the makeup deserves.
- Great outfits OK, so this reader is saying he wants women to wear sweats or jeans? I believe he thinks he wants that. The reality is, most men find women very attractive in dresses or in a really great pair of jeans. Come on, if she wears yoga pants 24/7, that’s going to bug you.
- Botox Botox is disfiguration? I don’t think so. In fact, more women than not get Botox on a regular basis. Again, the key is for it to look natural. I will be the first to admit there is nothing worse than a bad Botox job where the woman’s eyebrows look like upside down V’s. But if a man didn’t know a woman had Botox, (because it is so natural) I guarantee she would look prettier to him than if she didn’t have it. Botox should make a woman look well-rested. That’s the goal. I don’t think disfiguration is relevant unless it’s a really bad job.
- Body weight This is big. I’m not a fan of anorexic looking women who starve themselves (and never have any fun as this reader says). In other words they eat like a bird, never eat anything but salmon and kale and spend an hour every morning with their personal trainer. But, I am a huge fan of a woman with a good body for two things: health and self-esteem. If a woman eats healthy most days, but splurges on yummy desserts or bread when she wants, she has great balance. With great balance and health as a top priority, her body weight will naturally drop to where she looks and feels beautiful. That in turn, boosts self-esteem and confidence. Feeling healthy and eating right and working out can make any woman feel like a supermodel, even if she’s overweight. The key is that she likes her body, feels comfortable in it, and is proud of it.
- Perfume Less is more with perfume, but that said, it makes a woman feel pretty and feminine and sexy and clean.
In closing, men almost always say they want a natural looking woman, yet they do and they don’t, because women do so many things to improve their looks that men don’t even realize. Say tooth whitener, for example. Wouldn’t a man want his date’s teeth to be white? He never saw her old teeth (before the whitener) so how can he say he wants her to be natural?
The bottom line is, when a woman makes an effort to improve her physical appearance, yes she is doing it to look better for her dates, but really, she is doing it to feel better about herself. Feeling prettier gives a woman more self-esteem and confidence. Feeling that way could ultimately will make her dates better, more exciting and more fun, don’t you think?