• Katz & Stefani
  • 10March

    Dating A Divorced Woman With Kids: What You Need To KnowBy Jackie Pilossoph

    dating a divorced woman with kids

    My heart went out to a sweet guy who emailed me to ask for my advice about dating a divorced woman with kids. The reason I felt so badly for…..

    My heart went out to a sweet guy who emailed me to ask for my advice about dating a divorced woman with kids. The reason I felt so badly for the guy is because he has never been in this situation before, and because of that, the relationship is causing him frustration, resentment and disappointment.


    Being a divorced woman with kids, I feel like I can help this guy understand where the woman’s mind is at and what she might be thinking.


    So, here is a list of 8 things you need to know if you are dating a divorced woman with kids. By the way, this goes for dating a divorced man with kids, too!


    1. The kids will always come first—no matter what. That means that if you have plans with the woman you are dating and her child decides he or she needs some mommy time and she cancels the date with you, you have to accept it, be OK with it, not resent her, AND even respect the fact that she is there for her child.


    1. The relationship might go slower than you want. Jumping into a serious relationship is a lot easier for those who have never been married and/or who don’t have kids. It’s not easy, but you have to be patient. Your only other option is to walk away. Or, you can just constantly be disappointed and frustrated.


    The Center for Divorce Recovery


    1. If the divorce is recent or going on, she might be distant at times. No one understands the impact of going through a divorce except for those who have gone through it. It can be draining, frustrating, upsetting, and infuriating, and cause intense anxiety, stress, depression, rage, or sadness. And if someone is going through a divorce, and they had a really bad divorce day—meaning something in their case happened that hurt them in some way, they sometimes want to be left alone. They want to just sit in a room and cry or hug their kids all night while watching TV. It is an extremely emotional time and that person needs to heal. Have respect for that and do not take it personally.


    1. She is busy. I know, I know…everyone is busy. But she is really busy. When someone is juggling a job, kids, and a legal battle, they don’t have the time to be on the phone with a new love for hours, and making plans is difficult. Again, don’t take it personally if they seem distant.


    1. Her self-esteem isn’t the greatest. Maybe her husband left her. Maybe she had to move back home with her parents. Maybe her ex-husband was abusive. There are so many factors that could cause a divorced person to have low self-esteem, and therefore be holding back a bit. If you realize that it’s not YOU, it’s her, it will help YOUR self-esteem, and you won’t be thinking she isn’t interested in you.


    1. Be willing to play things by ear a lot. Dating a woman with kids requires a person to be flexible and not have to make plans 10 days in advance. Because, anyone single parent can tell you that schedules and kids’ activities get switched around every hour. If you’re a planner, that might be a problem.

    Jeremy Woods, Senior Mortgage Banker

    1. Getting involved in her divorce is a huge mistake. If she vents about her ex or cries or tells you what a jerk he is, don’t make the mistake of hating him too. In other words, this is her divorce, not yours, and her ex isn’t there to defend himself so you don’t have the whole story. Just try to be supportive of her feelings and be there for her in any way you can. Give advice, but be careful. You don’t know the whole situation.


    1. If you love her, you have to love her children, too. It’s a package deal. You really have to want to be a dad or you shouldn’t be with her.


    In closing, dating a woman with kids isn’t easy. That doesn’t mean the relationship can’t work. But knowing what to expect helps, as does taking your time, being patient, and understanding that you don’t come first. Some men/women can’t handle that, which is understandable. Just be honest with yourself.

    Jackie Pilossoph

    Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

    8 Replies

    Andrew Minch September 09, 2016Reply

    So the reason I read this article is because I have a divorced woman that my feelings have become really strong for. Twice now she has tried to end us and now that I've read/researched a lot of things.. I understand a lot more. It hurts, but makes sense. I'm also 10 years younger being almost 29 and she's 39. She's an amazing woman! But I think I came on way to strong. Our relationship started as a fun sexually driven one and she started to tell me personal stuff all he time and about her ex and her kids and everything was just becoming so heart warming to me and I just wanted to sweep her off her feet more and more. I think that vibe started to take place and now that I have feelings she wants to completely back off. :(

    Rafikul July 24, 2018Reply

    Good is good. Life is nothing but everything .

    Mavrin August 15, 2018Reply

    What if that divorced woman still freind with her ex husband she may sleep with him again while she is in relationship with you?

    Alex October 29, 2018Reply

    I am dating a recently divorced woman with 3 kids (ages 6, 4 and 2) our relationship started out with a lot of shyness on both our ends but was met with tons of passion and a love neither of us have ever experienced. She had just gotten divorced, we saw eachother everyday pretty much since the first day we made love. But we moved WAAAAY too fast! With all the passion and excitement surrounded by a new love and a man who actually wanted her (her ex wanted a open relationship 2 years ago) we found ourselves and her 3 kids living together. Tensions were high and she ended up moving out. However we are still in love and trying as much as we can. I've been working on myself and she has lots of time with her children and time for herself. It's a lot for her, job, school, kids and me. Don't ever feel like you're on the back burner guys. Her ex husband will always be there (he's a pretty good father and after all that's actually GOOD that he's there for his kids) All I can say is don't rush things, like any relationship moving in too quickly can be dangerous.

    Dmitriy SH. January 06, 2019Reply

    If a woman can cancel a date just because her child wants to be with her (not because of him getting sick or some other problem), then I would look for another woman. How many options have you got on the list? Find more. Don't be lazy!

    Anthony Gantt September 05, 2019Reply

    Thank you so much for this article. It really helped me out a lot with my situation and better understanding my fiancée. Thank you

    DAVID graham December 24, 2020Reply

    I would NEVER get involved with a divorced woman with kids--why should I have to deal with the hassles that come along with this--I would never assume the emotional/financial responsibility fo a kid that wasn't mine--as for a divorced woman--most carry enough emotional baggage to fill a moving truck--NO THANKS

    Douglas December 27, 2020Reply

    Thank you for this article, it was very informative and explained a lot of what I was kind of expecting. Only time will tell what happens from here. Thank you again

    ' Reply
  • Affiliates in Counseling

  • Bridging the gap between conflict and resolution - divorce mediation

    Real Estate Mistakes in Divorce Often Happen

    Children In Between Online class
  • Affiliates in Counseling

  • Bridging the gap between conflict and resolution - divorce mediation

    Real Estate Mistakes in Divorce Often Happen

    Children In Between Online class
      • Affiliates in Counseling
      • Need to refinance or get a mortgage after a divorce?

      • Bridging the gap between conflict and resolution - divorce mediation
      • Real Estate Mistakes in Divorce Often Happen

      • Children In Between Online class