11 Pieces of Advice for Men Over 50

I received the message below from Mike, a 53 year old guy who has been both widowed and divorced, and who has some words of wisdom for men over 50. Thought I would share, and in italics below are my comments. Thanks so much, Mike! 

Jackie,

I wanted you to know that I loved your piece from Sept 3. Happy Birthday! I crossed that personal Rubicon in 2012, and can say with certainty that I’ve learned more in the past 3 years than I did in the previous 50. I’m not sure, though, if that means I’m a life-long learner, or just really slow on the uptake! I was widowed at 38, and divorced at 51. Both experiences were bad, but in very different ways. So I just thought you may like to know some of the clarity that an additional 3 years of life could possibly provide ☺.

 

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1. There is a time to let go and move on. I’ve learned that the letting go is easy – but it’s often harder to move on.

I’m not sure I know the difference between letting go and moving on, but I have never had an easy time letting go of things-especially when romantic relationships end. I tend to forget anything negative, and live with the falseness of remembering that everything was perfect. People who do that are just torturing themselves unnecessarily.

 

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2. Heartbreak always hurts, but it’s OK to risk possible pain and vulnerability. It’s not ok to settle though. Life is far too short.

Those who have the guts to show vulnerability in their romantic relationships are the most fulfilled. How great does it feel to be so afraid that the person you love won’t accept you knowing certain behaviors, and then you find out they do?? The best. Oh, and as I get older, I have zero tolerance for settling. Why would I at this point in my life?!

 

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3. After spending some time fly-fishing on beautiful Montana rivers, it’s clear to me that trying to think like a fish is hard. They win much more often than I do!

 

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4. The day your child lands a job after college is almost as sweet as they day they were born!

I won’t know that feeling for a long time but I can imagine feeling immense joy, relief and pride.

5. The hope of experiencing true love and trust with someone is still exciting in the “mature” years. I have faith in finding it!

I love that attitude so much because I believe that people who do find it, talked like this.

 

6. This could be “the year” for the Cubs! And Go Bears!

 

7. I still have all my hair, it’s not gray, and I don’t need glasses – This amounts to trash talk for me now.

I color my hair and wear glasses now. Not bitter or jealous. 

8. If you water your own grass, it won’t be greener on the other side of the fence.

Everyone has problems. I wouldn’t trade mine with anyone else I know. 

 

 

9. After 50, the stages of growth bring deeper happiness. The best is yet to come!

10. “…only someone who is ready for everything, who doesn’t exclude any experience, even the most incomprehensible, will live the relationship with another person as something alive and will himself sound the depths of his own being.” Rainer Maria Rilke

11. This all rather hokey, perhaps. But I embrace hokey now after 50.

I’ve always embraced hokey and I’ve always been a pretty happy person–hokey meaning corny, not phony. Then again, I might be the most sentimental person I know. 

Like this article? Check out, “I Can’t Get Over My Ex-Wife”

 

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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

9 Responses to “11 Pieces of Advice for Men Over 50”

  1. Les

    I loved reading your blog. I’m heading into the permanent separation stage with the outcome being divorce. I have been married for 27 years and have two grow children. The last 10 years have been absolute misery. I hung in so my kids could launch. I am now setting the stage for my new life . The problem is this; I met a gal on line and we really connected. However, she does not want to proceed until my divorce is finalized. That could take 2 years! Should I forget about her or text her from time to time?

    Reply
  2. Pjm

    I hate the divorced lifestyle and culture especially at 52 and only 5’6”. It is a very narrow band to operate in and may be flat out impossible. All of my single friends; both men and women have met someone. I am demoralized and don’t believe in hope. Now what.

    Reply
  3. Jay

    52yo married male with sons in early 20’s that will likely never leave the nest and a wife that is not helping. My marriage is good enough, but we are just going through motions to finish the job and it’s been extremely boring and predictable for long time now. I don’t see that changing and worry and almost hope it will not survive. I imagine a life without them as stress free and adventurous but also lonely, hedonistic and even self-destructive. I can’t imagine ever wanting to have another meaningful relationship, building anything real or (god help me) blending families or playing dad again. I imagine fading into nothingness with both an evil grin and a tear in my eye. I always want to be available for advice and help but think i got nothing left in the tank to play grandpa. I think I’ll make a run to the store .. be right back.

    Reply
  4. Chase

    I am 55 years old and my son just graduated and turned 18years old. I have ask my wife several times for us to get some counseling. She refused , I then said your making good money and you should save some for retirement. Her reply was, I want to live for today. I then told her I wanted a divorce. Her comment was, I have to have too much invested in this marriage to give you a divorce. I can’t tell you how I felt like nothing more than some kind of slaves.did I mention she makes more money than me know for he past 4 years. I have filed for divorce because She destroyed a house I built and used it up for her own satisfaction. Then she use my son from me at a time kept us apart. So having trust in a new relationship is far from my thoughts moving forward. I put my heart and all my strengths in everything for us and my wife destroyed it. Happy hunting

    Reply
  5. Shelton

    Man, I feel like you just told my story. I just walked away from my home last week, rented a shit-hole. I had to get out. Her mental health, aggressive bullying and lies kept me literally locked in my bedroom. I don’t miss her, nor am I sad. I’m 50, financially insecure and have no idea about the future. Damn, I hope it gets better. Good luck friend.

    Reply
  6. Andy Parker

    59 year old facing divorce and scared of what lies ahead, so lonely and sad, I cant visualise the future.
    Willing to talk and help similar people.

    Reply
    • Alan

      Mate I feel for you. My wife is going through menopause and she just can’t see it. Her constant mood swings became so unbearable that I just had to leave. I keep to myself and havnt told friends and relatives. I’m so lonely. I rented a room in a shared house and trying to find this to do as work is slow during winter months. There should be a place where men on similar situations can meet and talk. That might help

      Reply
    • Alan

      There should be a place where men in this situation can meet and talk..I have a similar story. I’m 56 yrs old and had been in a relationship for over 35 yrs..last 5 yrs have been like hell.

      Reply
  7. Quentin

    I’m about to turn 49 and headed into a divorce. Two kids at ages 5 and 7. I dread telling them and breaking their hearts. They are the loves of my life. This is going to be so hard.

    As for my soon to be ex, she was my rock for so long and have up on waiting for me to change. I’m better with her and I know I’m going to struggle without her. However, now that I have my kids in my life, this won’t be the typical break up for sure. I’ll get through it like every other struggle I’ve had.

    Reply

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