Jackie, need some relationship advice. What is a better relationship? “Good Enough:” where your life is generally better but you’re not exactly in a rush to see the girlfriend or “Head over Heels:” where there is a ton of passion but that’s the only thing notable.”
My gut reaction is to answer your question by saying, “neither.” Do you really want to be in a relationship where you aren’t “exactly in a rush to see the person?” Instead, don’t you want to be dying to see that person whenever you get the chance? As far as head over heels, that’s great, but if “that’s the only thing notable,” then that isn’t good either.
If someone asked me what the components are to a perfect relationship, I’d say these 15 things. Keep in mind, I do realize there is no such thing as perfect, but the more of these you have, the better off you are, in both the happiness and success of your relationship.
- You have to be partners. One person can’t be a passenger. You have to feel like equals.
- You have to be best friends and treat each other that way.
- You have to want to rip each other’s clothes off at times. In other words, physical attraction must be present. Not every day, but enough to satisfy you both.
- You have to have respect for each other, professionally and personally.
- You have to be giving of yourself and compromising of each other’s wishes. If she’s dying to go to that sushi place you hate, suck it up and go there for her from time to time.
- You must want to preserve the relationship. Nurture it. Make sure it stays strong.
- You must know how to talk to each other in a way that makes sense and works.
- You must support each other even in bad times: loss of job, sickness, even bad moods.
- Be kind to each other. I remember a friend getting divorced saying, “I wish she would treat me as nice as she treats the Starbucks barista.”
- Your heart should still pound from time to time when you see him or her naked.
- You should have stuff in common. You can’t fit a square peg in a round hole. Don’t try to force something when the two of you are different in ways that are bothersome.
- When you wake up in the morning, your first thought should be how grateful you are to have him or her sleeping next to you.
- Arguing is normal, but you should have some kind of agreement on how to handle those. Not talking for days is bad, but so is screaming and yelling at each other constantly.
- If you are even considering cheating, you are with the wrong person.
- You have to LIKE the person. It will never work if you don’t. There are plenty of people who fall madly in love, but can’t really say they like their spouse.
Good luck! I hope you find BOTH head over heels and good enough!