Marital Advice: “How Can We Spice Up Our Sex Life?”


marital advice






Jackie, I need some marital advice. How can we spice up our sex life? We’ve been married for 2 years and we both seem too tired to do it.


I hope you understand what a big problem you have here. Not being connected sexually can lead lots of marital problems, including resentment, excessive arguing, an emotional disconnect, or even cheating.


The good news is that you obviously recognize that there is an issue instead of sweeping it under the rug and waiting for you or your wife to miraculously want to jump in bed every minute.


There could be several different things going on here that is leading to the lack of sex in the marriage. One, how well are you getting along? If not so great, that could lead to the non-desire for sex. After all, who wants to have sex with someone they are mad at, or who bugs them? Or, maybe the two of you are getting along well, but working really hard at your jobs, and somewhere along the line decided that connecting on a physical level wasn’t a priority. You’re just too drained.


If the problem lies in an emotional connection, you need help. A therapist, perhaps? Or really good communication with each other. If it’s just that you got too pre-occupied with everything else, and that sex got squeezed out of the picture, that’s usually an easier fix. Three words: MAKE THE EFFORT! It’s pretty simple, but some couples get married and for some reason think that it’s OK to stop dating, to stop the romance, to become complacent in the relationship and settle for something that deep inside they know isn’t that great.


Two married people owe it to each other to continue stepping it up for the rest of their lives. They owe it to each other to set up romantic dinner dates, buy each other gifts, give each other cards, do kind, selfless gestures for one another, and keep themselves looking attractive for each other-not just for beauty’s sake but for health reasons, also!


My suggestion to you is, I’m sure you are a resourceful guy, and can figure out a way to “spice up” your sex life with your wife. You don’t need me to give you ideas. You know what you need to do. MAKE THE EFFORT.


Maybe you should sit your wife down and talk, and decide that you are both going to make the effort, and then discuss some things you plan to do to make it happen.


If you do nothing, I guarantee you will start to have problems. And even worse, you won’t be that happy. Ask yourself this question: Why did you get married? I hope the answer is because you thought you would have a happy life with your wife. If so, that possibility is still within your grasp. You are both in control of it.


Best wishes and good luck!


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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

2 Responses to “Marital Advice: “How Can We Spice Up Our Sex Life?””

  1. David

    I really like the quote “two married people owe it to each other to continue stepping it up for the rest of their lives.” I have always felt that way. Just last night my wife told me that she feels bad that I seem to do most of stuff around the house and for the kids. I explained to her that I want to help out and be a good partner, and that she could always do some things for me once in a while. Her reply was that she would just rather take care of here own stuff than to have to worry about me. To be honest, that really hurt.


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