Yesterday I posted on my Divorced Girl Smiling Facebook page” “Describe your ex in one word.” The response I got was very unexpected. 95% of the responses were from women and here were the words they used to describe their ex’s:
Immature, selfish, needy, leach, cheater, bastard, disappointing, angry, controlling, narcissistic batterer, liar, Satan, arrogant, and douche bag cheating son of a bitch.
Wow. These answers made me ask the question, Is it possible for people to say anything nice about their ex? Granted, you only get one word, but why choose the negative? Why? Because based on these responses, most of these women still have immense anger and hostility over their divorce. I’m not judging them. Maybe they have a right to feel that way. Still, it made me really sad.
Why am I posting this on Divorced Guy Grinning? Because I want answers from some men! So,
Describe your ex in one word. Please. (in the comments section of this post)
If I had to describe my ex in one word, I wouldn’t say anything bad. I’d use the word “hurt.” I think that just like me, our divorce hurt him deeply. Even 8 years later, I think the “hurt” is still there. It is for me. I think it always will be. And I think that the times when he is angry or rude or even unemotional, I think he’s still covering up the hurt.
I keep hoping that some day things will change, and that he and I can be friends. I might be naïve, but that is truly my wish. I’m not even going to say I want that for my kids, although I do. But the truth is, I want he and I to be friends because I like him. I always will.
If you love someone enough to marry that person, and then the marriage fails, shouldn’t you want to be friends with them? Even if the person “hurt” you deeply. In time, can’t you go back to that person’s core and see what’s good in him or her? You loved each other enough to have babies together. Doesn’t that say something about just plain old liking someone?
Maybe the answer is, that if you don’t want to be friends with your ex several years after your divorce, maybe you never really loved him or her. Maybe you never even liked the person. Because, true friends get over things. I think the same applies in divorce.
I’m not saying that you should forget what your ex did to you, and maybe trust will never be there again, and maybe you lost tremendous respect for your ex, but what’s so wrong with admitting you like the person still? Simply for the reasons you married him or her. His gentle way, her smile, his ability to be a great father?
In other words, why does someone have to be ALL BAD? Can’t you see the good parts?
If my ex had one word to describe me, I guarantee he’d say “annoying.” LOL but it’s true. But deep down, I know he still likes me. I know there are times he remembers the good times in our marriage.
Comment below! Describe your ex in one word.