• 1August

    Dating Advice: "Who is Going to Want me?"By Jackie Pilossoph

    I have written so many articles giving dating advice about older, divorced women who ask the question, “Who is going to want me?” They feel that because they are middle-aged,…..

    I have written so many articles giving dating advice about older, divorced women who ask the question, “Who is going to want me?” They feel that because they are middle-aged, have baggage, have children, and are possibly financially strapped that they have no attractive qualities. What’s funny is, it almost never fails–these women end up finding love again.

     

    It never occurred to me that a divorced man with kids might feel the same way until a guy friend of mine asked the exact same question: “Who is going to want me?” He said, “I have kids, a full time job, a side business, and I have to explain to someone that my wife left me because I cheated.”

     

    Let me give you this guy’s stats. I believe he is in his early forties. He is very nice looking and is a wonderful, caring, loving father. He’s also very smart and creative, professionally speaking. So, I really was surprised to hear that he felt this way.

     

    I have a few pieces of advice. First of all, I live in the suburbs, where I know DOZENS of men in your exact same spot, (most who don’t have as much to offer as you do) and not one of them has a problem getting dates. NOT ONE.

     

    No one ever said dating with kids and a full time job is easy. There are times I see the guy I’m dating for 20 minutes. We take what we can get. And actually, while it can get frustrating to want to spend time with someone which is logistically is challenging, it’s kind of exiting and sexy and fun to make it work. Trust me, people find time to date. It’s our human nature.

     

    The next point I want to make is that because you haven’t dated yet, you don’t have an appreciation for how many women are out there WANT to date a man with kids. Single dads just get it. They are giving and loving and caring. If we have kids, we want someone who understands that and who better than a dad?

     

    Lastly, I want to address the cheating thing. I can only give you my advice as a woman (who has actually been cheated on in my life but not in my marriage.) The best way to handle that is to be honest and upfront. To say to a woman, “I f***ed up. I cheated. I regret it. No matter what she did, cheating is a betrayal and something that can’t be justified” is refreshing to hear, especially since many cheaters rationalize that they don’t feel guilty or remorseful because they feel wronged by the woman in other ways.

     

    If a woman decides she can’t date you any longer because she knows you cheated, than she is not the right match for you. And you will find the match. Trust me. You are not the first man who cheated and got divorced.

     

    What you seem to be lacking in a big way is self-esteem and self-love. I don’t know how you can get that. Therapy, perhaps? Faith? Or, how about looking in the mirror and seeing all the wonderful, positive things you do every day? The fact that you are an amazing father, a hard worker, an honest, ethical person. Did you make a horrible mistake? Sure. But who hasn’t??

     

    When you start to forgive yourself, you will be on your way to a greater sense of self-love, and then I think that will open the door for dating. Meeting someone special starts with thinking you are special and worthy of love.

     

    All my best and big hugs!!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Jackie Pilossoph

    Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

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