Dating Advice: Remove Yourself From This Toxicity

dating advice
Is this guy’s relationship toxic?

Read this man’s story and then tell me if you agree with my dating advice for him, which is to remove himself from this toxic situation!


2.5 years ago I met a girl, 38 at the time with 2 little girls. She was out of the house almost a year and soon to be divorced. Upon meeting I heard the typical things of the ex hubby drank too much never around and no relationship for years.


We hit it off I mean hit it off. I’m not a drinker so no thoughts were clouded like most people that date and just drink together. After a few months I met her kids. They loved me. I would cook dinner for them play with the kids and when she didn’t have them, she and I would have fun dates everything from a night out too washing her car together. We ended up living together. I was supportive for her hard times with divorce stuff or the new job.


After a year of me packing school lunches for kids and reading bed time stories, and buying her lots of heels–yes better then flowers, she out of the blue dumps me says she needs time to heal. This was about 3 weeks after her ex remarried. That was last summer. I was so sad not seeing her or the kids. I was depressed. In the fall she started calling me we talked a lot and in December she said can we just date and not live together. I said sure. We spent Christmas with each other and the kids did fun thinks like always. Bam 6 months of that like a switch after a fun weekend of playing with the new puppy and going to a car show she dumps me again. No warning again.


She texted and called me for a few weeks, especially when she was down about her new job and she said I always feel better after talking with you. A week later I get a text I need to get your stuff back to you. We met over a week ago for my things and it was like we were on a date. Hugged for 3 minutes, cried, laughed, joked around, held hands. How could a woman not like a good man, attentive fun loving and great to her kids?


Reading your story made me really, really sad for you. You seem like a great person, who is giving and loyal, and who really wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship, kids and all.


Do you have any idea how many millions of divorced women with kids would LOVE you?? But the harsh reality is, this woman doesn’t. I feel terrible saying that to you, I don’t want to hurt you, but for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to be with you.


Maybe she has too much baggage and isn’t capable of dating someone who treats her well. Maybe the timing is bad. Or, maybe it just wasn’t a match for her and her gut told her it wasn’t right.


You need to walk away. I have no doubt she will be calling you again when times are tough and she needs the security of someone she knows deeply cares about her. I think it’s OK to talk to her and try to help her, but you need to move on with your life. I mean really move on.


I’m sure it’s not easy, but if you continue to see this woman every time she calls and wants you back, you are missing the opportunity of meeting some other woman—maybe someone who really truly loves you and wants what you want.


This woman isn’t a bad person, nor is she being hot and cold with you on purpose. She truly doesn’t want to hurt you and I’m sure she cares for you deeply. But she is confused and for whatever reason, doesn’t want to be with you permanently. I’m sure she loves you as a friend, but that is as far as it will ever go for her. It’s actually really a shame, but nonetheless, reality.


Please get yourself out of the toxicity by limiting communication with her and doing your best to meet and date other women. And, don’t compare and let the sentimentality of the past blind you to what could be a new, exciting and promising relationship.


Best wishes. Any woman who gets you is lucky!! Remember that!

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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

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