Dating Advice For Men: Don’t Ask. Instead Suggest!


dating advice for men



Below is a guest post by Hector Castillo, a writer for Girls Chase, a site that offers dating advice for men. As a woman, I have to say I totally agree with Castillo’s theory!



Don’t “Ask” Her Out, Suggest a Date Instead  by Hector Castillo

“Ask her out…,” the voice whispers.

“Ask her out,” the voice nudges.

“Ask her out!” the voice yells.

“Hey, so, do you want to, uh, grab a coffee sometime?”

She smiles and responds, “Sure!”

There. Despite your nerves, her beauty, and your inexperience, you asked her out.

But something is off. Something about it seems weak, pleading…

What if the entire concept of “asking” a girl out is, well, wrong?


Do Not Ask; Suggest!




First, cut the rising intonation associated with the interrogative tone (i.e., the asking tone).


Then, cut any phrasing associated with the interrogative (i.e., don’t ask).


“Do you want to go out sometime?” becomes “We should go out sometime.”


How is such a subtle shift so effective? Dominance.


What’s the Goal of Asking a Girl Out?


No, this isn’t a trick question. Really, why are you asking her out?


To get what you want, you gotta know what you want.


Are you asking her out because you feel alone and crave attention?


Are you bored, and your reaction to boredom is to ask a woman out (actually not a bad reason)?



Do you want to court her with expensive dinners and bottle service at clubs until…until what?


Let’s be honest. You want her.


You want a hookup, or intimacy, or companionship, or a relationship, or all of it together (and yes, hookups can transition into relationships; in fact, the best ones usually do).


All of these flow from her, that beautiful creature of desire.


Now that we know what we want – her – we then ask ourselves what she wants. Empathy and dominance aren’t mutually exclusive. In fact, the highest dominance is also the highest empathy.


What does she want, then?


A man.


A dominant, sexual, and assertive man who goes after what he wants. Anyone who tells you differently is feeding you idealistic nonsense that has no foundation in reality.


Women crave men who stand fearlessly on battlefields or at the forefront of exploration.


You don’t even have to be a warrior or pioneer. Those are just professional manifestations of masculine energy. In essence, the masculine is the Will.


Go forth. Pursue. Conquer. Do.


Now then, having established dominance as an aphrodisiac, you tell me which sounds more dominant…


“Hey, so, do you want to, uh, grab a coffee sometime?”




“We should grab a coffee sometime.”


Yeah, no contest. Suggestions beat asking every time.


Even more than being attractive, it’s liberating for her. How’s that?


When you ask her out, you lock her into a binary situation – Yes. Or No.


Girls often sidestep with lines like “I have a boyfriend” (which may or may not be true), but even then, they were pressured into a yes or no, and all women flee from pressure the instant they sense it.


With suggestion, however, you ask nothing of her. One may interpret an implied request, but upon closer inspection, there’s only an invitation with her name on it. A subtle yet dramatic difference.


This masculine extension gives her space to express her femininity by responding (i.e., embracing). Instead of bondage, there is liberation.


You – Would you like to get a coffee sometime?


Her – Yes, I would!




You – We should get a coffee sometime.


Her – Yes, we should!


The result is nearly identical, but even linguistically, the latter wins. By using “we,” you turn it into a fun game you two are playing, instead of a buyer/seller relationship.


You also say less.


This difference in displacement between cause and effect is the crux of how power is perceived socially. Less effort for the same results, or even better results! Dominance, not neediness.


Elegant, isn’t it?


The next time you consider asking out a girl, try suggesting instead.


And if you’re feeling really confident, take it to the next level –


Let’s get coffee tonight.


Let’s have dinner at my place.


Let’s get together.


Let’s go back to my place and give each other orgasms.


The creative potential is infinite.


Have fun with it, because if the dance towards sex and love isn’t fun, then we’re wasting our time.


Hector Castillo is a lover and student of women. From the cradle, women have provided him with untold kindness, love, and wisdom. He hopes to honor these gifts by teaching men to become women’s fantasies. More of Hector’s articles can be found at 

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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

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