Dealing with an ex isn’t easy. Any divorced person will tell you that. So, when I started seeing posts on Cyber Dust by Ronald Atkinson Jr. on the subject of breakups, they sparked my interest. I asked Atkinson if he wanted to guest post on the subject, and lo and behold, was surprised to see that Atkinson is a college student at Kansas State University. He’s a baby! But wait till you read his post. It is absolutely beautiful. Not only does it make the point that no matter what age, breakups are all the same, but it taught me a lot about the courage and strength it takes to deal with an ex in a way that will give you a better life. When dealing with an ex, there are three words to keep in mind…
Dealing With an Ex by Ronald Atkinson Jr.
As a Christian, I was always taught to love, not hate. Many couples I’ve seen and talked to have an end point to their relationship. Once their relationship has ended, they begin to hate each other. They also begin to let problems and drama rise between them, and rarely do they resolve the issues.
When your ex brings drama from the past, try not to get on their level. They will try to make it seem as if everything is your fault, but in reality, it’s not your fault. Your ex will play the blame game and do everything in their power to knock you down.
I’ve learned that this can also be a test on your part. It was certainly a test for me. The test was, dealing with the ex, but in order to pass the test, I first had to FORGIVE. You must forgive so that you can break freely from bottled emotions inside of you. At times, we feel victimized for the weight they put on us. This can lead us to become mentally weak.
Forgiveness will gain back your power as a human being. It doesn’t mean you’re accepting that person’s behavior or forgetting what went wrong, but it means you’re making peace with yourself and leaving everything behind you. When coming across conflict and tension, it’s great to stand up for yourself and fight back, but sometimes fighting back can be toxic. It’s toxic because the anger within the relationship will cause you to be angry. If your relationship was toxic, so will the conflict(s). You can’t let the toxic waste be poured on you. Once it’s poured on you, you can easily pour it on to other people. It can be damaging to your happiness.
Next, I had to learn ACCEPTANCE. Regardless of who your ex is or what they’ve done, you have to accept that person for who they are. I understand that whatever lifestyle they live, or what they do isn’t always pleasing, but love is also about seeing others be happy for themselves. It’s their body, their heart, and their choice to do what they please. Some people try to change an ex, but you can’t change someone’s character. They will change on their own, or they won’t. We’re all humans and we’re all different.
This leads into the last part, LOVE. Always, Always, Always, love them regardless. I’m not saying that you should show love in the way of being with them, but love them in a heartfelt, friendly way.
With my ex, our friendship may not be what it used to be, but no matter what, we still talk every now and then. She’s happy for the changes in her life, and I am happy for her, as well as where I am with myself. At times, we still have disputes, but the one thing I still show her is respect.
You may not always like or agree with your ex, but don’t hate your ex. Hating someone is vile, toxic, and it doesn’t promote a healthy heart. It’s like wishing someone should be dead. I also want to point out that sometimes, we’re often doing better things than the ex. An ex could be suffering from his or her own toxic drama. But Sometimes, we have to be there for them if they’re ever in need of help. Help them out even if they don’t want to accept any offers from you. It really shows a maturity level on your part.
I am reminded what Love is, and there’s no greater explanation than to simply refer back to the bible versus, 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Ronald Atkinson is a student at Kansas State University. He is also the creator of his blog, “Life, Love and Success.” Follow on twitter: @RonaldAtkinson9
Michael C. Craven
Thank you for your article. I found this interesting.
– Michael C. Craven, Chicago Divorce Attorney http://www.divorcelawyerschicago.org/