Telling your spouse you want a divorce is extremely difficult. Divorced dad and author, L.J. Burke would know. This is his guest post offering tips on how to deliver the devastating news.
How To Tell Your Spouse You Want A Divorce by L.J. Burke
O.k. so you’ve decided you are going to end your marriage. Now comes the hard part. You have to break the news to your spouse. It’s a very difficult decision for most folks. Sometimes it is very clear to both parties involved that the end is near, but sometimes one is completely blindsided.
I strongly suggest that when you are going to break the big news to your spouse, you do it right. Remember, how you tell your spouse that you want a divorce will be remembered forever. Which means your kids will probably find out some day how you told your wife you wanted a divorce.
I also realize it is not a perfect world and you may not be put in a position to break the news exactly how you want to.
Here are some suggestions on how to break the news the right way;
-Make sure you’re in a quiet, private place free from distractions. This might take a little planning, but you certainly don’t want to be interrupted during this conversation.
-Pick a time when you are both well rested. It’s going to be emotional enough, running on little sleep will just amp up the emotions.
-Be SOBER! A drunken conversation about divorce usually results in a fight about divorce. Nothing gets resolved at 2:00 a.m. after a night of drinking.
-Don’t be an asshole or a bitch! You will gain nothing from name calling or being rude. Remember this moment will be remembered forever. Family, friends and, unfortunately, your kids will eventually find out how all of this went down.
-Have an exit strategy. You’re telling your spouse that you no longer want to be married to them; this means somebody will have to leave. You should have that planned out before this conversation. One of you might have to leave quicker than you were thinking, so have an idea where you will live or where your partner can go.
– Be compassionate, but don’t give the wrong idea to your spouse. You don’t have to be cold as ice, but don’t go overboard with the touching or hugging. Your mind is made up and you don’t want to be married to this person anymore. Don’t muddy up the waters with anything that could be misconstrued as any kind of romantic gesture. This is a time to be very clear about your intentions. Don’t say one thing and do another.
You want to feel good about how you broke the news to your spouse, so do it the right way. Telling your spouse that you want a divorce is the official start of your divorce process. Starting on a good note may set the tone for the rest of your divorce proceedings.
L.J. Burke is the author of his new book, “Divorced Dad: Kids are Forever, Wives are Not.” Burke wrote this book looking back at his divorce with clarity, seeing what he did wrong and what he did right during this tough time. It is his sincere hope that if you are contemplating, going through or have gone through a divorce, his book will help you through this very tough time. Burke is a Police Sergeant in a major metropolitan police department. The father of his two teenage boys, Burke recently remarried and is enjoying life with his new blended family. Click here to learn more and buy the book.