Dating Advice for Men: "The Couch Story"

Sometimes the best dating advice for men comes from women, who can tell you what we are thinking! The following is a story I heard from a male friend of mine. I couldn’t resist sharing it because it will give you some great insight into the polar opposite mindsets that men and women sometimes have.

My friend (in his 40’s) had been dating this woman (around the same age) for a couple of months. She knew he was not looking to be exclusive, but she chose to continue the relationship.

One night, they headed downtown to see a show. She drove. When she dropped off my friend, she said, “I’d like to come inside.”

“That would be great,” he said.

When they got inside, he asked if she would mind if he changed out of his jeans into shorts and a t-shirt. So, he went upstairs and changed. No more than five minutes later, he came downstairs and she was asleep on his couch.

He gently woke her up and whispered, “You’re so tired. You should go home.”

“Why would I go home?” she asked.

“Because you need to get some good sleep. You’re exhausted,” he replied.

She left.

That is the end of the story I heard from him. The woman left and that was it. I’m not sure if they are dating anymore.

Upon hearing this story, I told my friend a couple of things. First off, he does not love this woman. In fact, he doesn’t care about being anything more than friends. If he did, he would not have suggested she go home.

But the biggest point I want to make is this. Being a woman, I can tell you exactly what this woman wanted to hear.

I’ll back it up to the point when my friend woke her up on his couch. Instead of “You’re so tired. You should go home,” this is what the woman wanted:

She wanted him to wake her up with a gentle kiss on the lips. She wanted him to then pick her up and carry her to his bed, and then she wanted him to make love to her. Passionately and softly.

Then she wanted to sleep in his arms all night.

That is the bottom line. That is what women are thinking. The woman didn’t care that she was tired. She didn’t want to go home to her own bed. If she did, she wouldn’t have asked to come into his place, she would just have gone right home then.

When I told my friend my thoughts, he gave me a big smile and said, “But she was exhausted,” to which I replied, “You don’t love her. You just don’t.”

“Who said anything about love?” he said.

“Ok, fair enough,” I said. “Then how about, ‘You’re just not that into her?’

Remember the book and movie, He’s Just Not That Into You? My friend’s situation is a classic example.

That doesn’t mean the girl isn’t beautiful or a good person with wonderful qualities. It means that my friend doesn’t feel a connection that is deeper than friendship. It might just not be there. It might be timing. It might be his personality. Whatever it is, it just isn’t.

The good news for the girl is that she can move on and meet a guy who really does want something serious with her; a guy who will wake her up off of his couch MY way.


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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

One Response to “Dating Advice for Men: "The Couch Story"”

  1. John

    just looking for some insight. I’m 23 years married, we are both professionals, in a roommate situation for 3 plus years. I am 49 and really don’t want to be 60 or 70 wishing that I had ended it when I was 50. She says that she is only staying with me for the healthcare benefits. I really want to be with someone that wants to be with me or no one at all. I have a 22 yo daughter and 15 yo son. We tolerate each other at best, any advice would greatly be appreciated.


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