• 24August

    Comments on Child Support From A Divorced GuyBy Jackie Pilossoph

    Know the old saying, “Never talk politics with friends?” The same could be said for child support. It’s a highly emotional topic that so often provokes anger, bitterness, frustration, resentment…..

    Know the old saying, “Never talk politics with friends?” The same could be said for child support. It’s a highly emotional topic that so often provokes anger, bitterness, frustration, resentment and even hatred for an ex spouse. Additionally, every case has so many different circumstances, that judging anyone, or thinking you might know someone’s situation, or GENERALIZING just doesn’t make sense.

    This reader’s comments are a great example of how he took his own experience and felt as if he could speak at times in regards to all women and all men.

     

    From what I’ve seen, most fathers just want things to be fair. Like me. I wanted 50/50 1 week on and off with our son. I got it. I didn’t want to pay my ex wife child support because If our son needs something we both will make sure it is done, she can not manage money for her life, and I would not be able to afford the mortgage (my home is my son’s home too) and I won.

     

    The problem is that most woman are vindictive, selfish, and irrational WHEN THEY ARE UPSET. My ex was, but I continued to do my job and to not be sucked in to her childish ways and she eventually came around, apologized, and now we get along better than we ever did while married.

     

    Men, take care of your kids and don’t let your ex steal them from you. They are yours as much as they are hers. Fight your ass off to be with your kids, they need you.

     

    When an ex is in their vindictive mode, they are not thinking about the kids or whether or not the kids need their father around, they just want to hurt you and “win”. Women, stop being sick. Be smart. You don’t need $3000 a month for one kid (and we both know the kids will see a small percentage of that for 90% of woman) Go to Costco. Cook your own meals, shop smart, be smart with money.

     

    If you are woman enough to have a kid then be woman enough to handle business, If a man is man enough to have a kid then be man enough to handle your business as well. Whether or not you are together, having kids is a team effort. Child support is very biased and unfair, it only causes anger, less for your kids on one side of the spectrum, and problems down the line. Only stick child support on someone when they are a coward and are not doing their job as a parent.

     

    My reaction:

     

    “Most woman are vindictive, selfish, and irrational WHEN THEY ARE UPSET.”

    “Men, take care of your kids and don’t let your ex steal them from you.”

    “Women, stop being sick. You don’t need $3000 a month for one kid (and we both know the kids will see a small percentage of that for 90% of woman)

     

    Is it just women who are vindictive, selfish and irrational when they are upset? Are men immune to these things? EVERYONE can become these things when they are upset.

    Are all women trying to “steal” their kids from their ex? I recently wrote a post on Parental Alienation Syndrome, but that doesn’t just apply to men. Women can become victims of PAS, as well.

    Why did this guy use $3000 per month? Is that HIS payment? I bet that less than 5% of the country gets $3000 per month as child support. But, that’s besides the point. Regardless of the amount, I know many, many women who are constantly struggling to make ends meet. Furthermore, try getting back into the workforce when you haven’t been in it in over a decade. I can tell you firsthand it was no piece of cake.

    My point is that EVERY SITUATION is different, so no one should be referring to all women or all men.

    I know really really GREAT dads who are loving and caring and bend over backwards for their children. I also know crappy ones.

    I know amazing women who are selfless, hardworking individuals who don’t get a dime from their ex. And I also know really awful, spoiled entitled women who milk their ex’s for thousands per month and buy whatever they want.

    A sentence in the last paragraph of this reader’s comments are the only part of his post that made me stop gritting my teeth.

    “Having kids is a team effort.” Yes, correct.

    But then, the last sentence was the final stab in the back. “Stick child support on someone?” He’s saying that as if child support is a punishment, a weapon. Just using the word “stick” implies vindictive behavior.

    CHILD SUPPORT IS FOOD IN CHILDREN’S MOUTHS and CLOTHING ON THEIR BACKS, A ROOF OVER THEIR HEAD. It’s not something you “stick” on someone to get back at them.

     

     

    Jackie Pilossoph

    Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

    2 Replies

    Singlemomsurviving August 24, 2014Reply

    Wow. That man obviously has issues. I especially loved his statistic that 90% of women who receive child support spend most of it on themselves (would love to see his research on that). There is a calculation for figuring child support in my state based on children's health insurance, child care expenses and both parents' income. I'm not sure where he came up with his $3,000/month/child figure. I hate that he feels his ex doesn't spend wisely, but if it weren't for mandated child support I'm not sure I would have gotten a penny from my ex. So it certainly goes both ways. Jackie, I was so relieved to read your comments on his article. I've gotten so much help from your blog while going through my divorce the last 6 months. Keep up the good work!

    JNP August 26, 2014Reply

    I can only speak from my experience. My husband walked out on me and our two kids (18 months and 4 years) and to date, hasn't provided any monetary support. I've paid for everything from art classes to diapers to daycare to milk with no help. If I do get child support, I can tell you that it will ALL go towards our kids. Because everything I have goes towards our kids because I'm a parent :) It's not about "getting" something from him. To me, it's about making sure the kids have every resource my Ex and I can provide.

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