Relationship Advice: Let’s Talk About Dirty Talk

In his mega-hit song, Jason Derulo requests over and over, “Talk dirty to me.” But what about you? Is there dirty talk in your relationship? Are you thinking about it? Here’s some relationship advice on the subject.

When a man or a woman decides to initiate dirty talk for the first time in bed, they are talking a risk. In other words, how will their partner react? The response can range from the person being completely horrified and kicking his or her partner out of bed to the person replying with dirty talk that is way too over-the-top for the one who initiated it!

I recently read an article in Cosmo called “How to Talk Dirty,” which offers women 10 things they should say to a guy in bed. They include, “What do you want me to do to you?” “I want you,” “I love having sex with you,” and “F me harder.”

I bet there were readers who rolled their eyes and thought, ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’ I bet there were also women who blushed and dismissed the advice, thinking, ‘There’s no way in a million years I’d say that,’ and then there were probably those who tried it, some with success, some without.

I have a suspicion that many women (and some men, too) think dirty talk is morally wrong. They feel guilty, and that they are sleazy if they do it, and worse if they enjoy it.

I don’t think dirty talk is something couples sit down and discuss beforehand. What probably happens is, one night during sex, one of them whispers something that opens Pandora’s box and then the other one either has issues with it and it stops, or the person says something back, and the couple begins to engage in it more and more. I do think it’s healthy for men and women to talk about the dirty talk AFTER the sex. Be open about it. Express to your partner if you liked it, didn’t appreciate it, or how dirty the dirty talk should or should not get.

Not speaking for all women, just for myself, I can tell you some of the things women enjoy hearing in bed that aren’t so dirty. Like many men, women are often insecure about our bodies, so telling a woman how beautiful she is, how soft her skin is, or how good her body feels are big turn-ons. Women enjoy hearing things like “You feel so good,” “I love having your body next to mine,” and “I love touching you.”

Every couple is different, and each one has to decide what level of dirty talk feels comfortable (if any.) I don’t think dirty talk is right or wrong, I think it is a personal choice. And, I think talking—dirty or not dirty (any kind of talking)– is important both in and out of bed. Communication makes relationships better, it brings couples closer together. The bottom line is, you can never go wrong by saying something with the intent to make the other one feel loved, cherished and/or appreciated.

 

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Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.

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