This could possibly be one of my all time favorite guest posts. Individual and business coach, David Resnick (who went through a divorce) offers some of the best divorce advice I’ve heard. Completely inspiring and beautiful!
In Divorce, Real Men Are Men Who Are Loving by David Resnick
Could anything be worse than a stock market crash? Yes, divorce. Divorce is where we lose control and become misunderstood. It is also the place that will define who we are for the rest of our lives.
At the beginning of a divorce we suddenly find ourselves in the midst of chaos and turmoil on all fronts. The woman we loved is now an enemy, our children are at stake, and our financial empire is being threatened. People all around us are taking sides; attorneys are smacking their lips and rubbing their hands together. We are angry.
It takes a while, but suddenly we realize that we are weakened, greatly. We concern ourselves with what others will think, how we will go on as a divorced man, and will we get to see our children grow up. We become torn between protecting our financial empire, and continuing to see our children. Bad things creep into our minds. Nobody seems to understand that we are the meal ticket. Do not kill us or everything will die. They do not seem to care. We feel pain. We are starting to humble ourselves. A little. But mostly we are feeling sorry for ourselves.
We begin to realize that very little in our culture can help us cope with divorce. We do not want to show our weakness, it is bred into us that we must be strong. But we are not. You know it and I know it. Once we start to lose the women in our lives we weaken and feel alone. It is not worth losing our women. We humble more. We feel even more sorry for ourselves.
We decide we will work even harder at compromise, to see her point of view, and those damned attorneys. We will settle this divorce with dignity and class. We propose well-crafted plans, brilliant compromise, and solutions worthy of the Gods. And then we present it to the other side, all proud of ourselves. Bad news…they want more than when we started.
It is right here, right in this moment that you will be defined. Are you in it to the end; are you willing to make love more important than anything else? Even during the one to three very hard years you will now have to endure? It will be worth it.
You will make more money choosing love. You may even get to have your ex as a friend. Your children will benefit, your future wives and girlfriends will benefit, and most of all you will benefit. Trust me. Do the work. Do not throw out the love.
Nothing will make these next few years any easier. No matter what you think you might gain financially or otherwise, it will all be meaningless before the ink dries. But love will carry on forever.
David Resnick is the founder of his Colorado based coaching business, (which includes a blog and podcast) called Quiet Clarity. If David lived in Chicago, I would be his next client! learn more: quietclarity.com. Listen to his latest podcast, where his guest is his ex-wife!!
Ok, I get it, roll with the punches right? When do I get to draw the line? What if my former wife’s expectations of waltzing from one life to another are in the stratosphere?