This is an amazingly inspiring guest post which gives divorce advice for men. Are you a divorce warrior? If not, you should be!
Divorce Warriors by Rabbi Dr. Baruch HaLevi (also known as “Rabbi B”)
Divorce is a war – period.
It’s brutal, it’s devastating and though you may get out of it alive, no one crosses this battleground unscathed. You are left feeling abandoned on the battlefield, with your guts spilling out and your heart lying torn open on the ground. There simply has never been a man or woman alive who has ever gone through a divorce that doesn’t carry with them some type of wound long after the divorce papers are signed.
With that said, divorce isn’t the real war.
Your friends who have abandoned you are not the enemy. They may be weak, but they are not wicked. Your in-laws who have turned on you are not the ones you are fighting. They may be mean but they are not monsters. And no matter how brutal your divorce was, or is – your ex-wife is not the one you are battling. She may very well be awful but she is not evil (yah, yah, I know you are thinking “he doesn’t know my Ex”).
I’m not telling you to forgive all of the people I mentioned above. I’m not telling you to even accept them. All I’m telling you is what I have told every man I have counseled through divorce – stop wasting your time focusing on them, being duped into believing they are your enemies cause brother – you got a bigger battle to fight!
Look, I get it. You feel victimized, wounded and left reeling in doubt. Or you feel resentful, bitter or angry. Or more likely you are bouncing back and forth between both of these extremes depending on what the ex-friends, the ex-in-laws or the ex-wife have to say (or not say) on any given day.
But my friends, this is exactly the point. This is the battle I’m talking about. This is the war you need to wage.
Your friends? Forget about them. You will replace them as they clearly weren’t real friends anyways.
Your in-laws? Let them go, they are obviously small, misguided and weak.
And your ex-wife? No matter what she did or is still doing to you – she isn’t the problem. She isn’t the one making you angry. She isn’t the source of your despair. She cannot make you to suffer. What you think, how you feel, how you choose to respond – that is totally up to you.
And if you are not then – you have given away your power, you have forgotten why you are here, you have missed the entire point of your life. You are here to become a warrior. What is a warrior? Someone who faces life’s battles and no matter how far he has fallen, picks himself up time and again and soldiers on. Someone who faces life’s battles and learns from them, grows through them and becomes a better, wiser and stronger person not in spite of them, butbecause of them. Someone who takes responsibility, takes the reins of his life, takes back his power and takes control of his destiny!
So quit looking backward or forward believing your enemies are somewhere out there.
Stop thinking “she” or “they” or anyone outside of you are the one’s you are battling.
And begin looking inward at your real enemies stalking you – doubt, resentment, self-pity, anger and fear.
Decide to make a stand and battle these foes, which could easily destroy your life.
And above all else – choose to take back your power and never give it away to anyone, or anything, at any time for any reason.
Choose to use your divorce to become a warrior – a divorce warrior – and move forward with dignity, courage and purpose once again.