I received this e-mail from a guy seeking dating advice for men, after meeting a woman and getting slapped shortly into their first conversation.
I met a lovely woman a few days ago at an art gallery. It
seemed like we had a nice rapport established after chatting for about a
half hour or so. I thought I would compliment her and be a little flirty
at the same time so I told her she had a “really nice hourglass figure”.
It backfired in a big way and as she responded with “Excuse me, why are
you commenting on my figure, you hardly know me.” I went into damage
control mode but only made things worse. The conversation came to an end
when she said “I’m so disappointed with you” and then Whap! she gave me a
stinging slap on the cheek and walked off. While I was quite embarrassed,
I actually felt worse for her since I obviously offended her.
I guess this type of comment is off limits during a first encounter? Part
of the reason I was a bit surprised by her reaction was that she seemed
quite comfortable in her own skin and was even showing a little cleavage.
Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t dressed provocatively, but didn’t seem
ultra conservative in her clothing choices either. I do have
her business card and could email her or call her to apologize. What do you
think I should do?
Dear Slapped Guy,
First of all, I’m sorry you got slapped. I actually didn’t think women did that anymore. I’ve only seen it in movies. But the reason I’m sorry is that you seem genuine and you seem to have a respect for women.
My impression is that you were testing the waters. Most men I know do this. A half hour into the conversation, you took it to her body to test the physical attraction level and the woman obviously wasn’t there yet, which is no reflection on you. Maybe she’s had bad experiences of men trying to get her into bed too soon, and maybe that’s what she was thinking.
If you think about it, your comment told her that you had really checked out her body. Maybe she wanted you to care more about her personality.
I think a better compliment would have been, “You’re really pretty.” I don’t know a woman on earth who would slap a man for saying that!
Just because a woman wears a short skirt and sports cleavage, doesn’t mean she wants to go to bed with a guy. Women want to feel sexy and pretty and feminine, especially in this day and age where we are focusing so much on our professional lives. It’s nice to go out to a bar or party and look and feel like a woman.
Lastly, I love the fact that you are considering e-mailing or calling her to apologize! I know so many men who would throw the card away in disgust because of the slap. By the way, I do have to admit I think the slap was a bit dramatic-although I wasn’t there. I definitely would not call her. I think that’s borderline stalker-ish. Text or e-mail is a good idea. Maybe say, “I’m really sorry for my offensive comment the other night. I think you’re really smart and pretty.” Or something like that.