I need some dating advice. I’ve been dating a woman for the past few months and her divorce was final about two months ago. Last night we went out and she randomly had on her wedding rings.
It’s very hard to give you dating advice without knowing what happened on your date last night. Did you ask her about the rings or did you stay silent? I can only tell you what I would have done if I found myself in your shoes. I would have asked her in a nice, non-confrontational way, “Why are you wearing your wedding rings?”
Wearing her rings says a lot about where this woman is emotionally, which is still in her marriage. Regardless of whether wanted the divorce or not, she clearly has not moved on. Furthermore, the fact that she wore the rings knowing you would see them says a lot. She either wanted you to see them and ask her about them. Or, she wasn’t thinking about how wearing her rings might make you feel.
I can’t speak for you, but I would feel hurt if my divorced date showed up one night wearing his wedding ring. I would also feel disappointed that he was still grieving or had hope for his marriage. I might feel a little bit angry. I would definitely feel confused. And I might feel a little bit pessimistic about the future of our relationship. But again, those are all just possible feelings. Maybe you didn’t feel any of those. My point is, if you did, that is perfectly OK and understandable.
My advice is that you really need to have an open and honest, constructive conversation with your girlfriend about the rings. Don’t be accusatory and just try to be compassionate and non-judgmental.
The thing is, you really are entitled to an honest explanation. And who knows? Maybe the conversation will lead to the two of you growing closer. Maybe in this capacity you need to be her best friend and help her realize her need to accept that her marriage is in the past. You can tell her that you respect the fact she is still grieving, but that wearing the rings is not only inappropriate to her date (you) but that it might be holding her back from moving on.
If things go well, maybe you could surprise her and buy her a nice ring, just as a fresh start and a symbol of your relationship. I don’t know a woman who wouldn’t appreciate a gesture like that.
Whatever happens, I wish you luck!